Find Your People
In 1992, three philosophers asked, “What about your friends? Will they stand their ground? Will they let you down? Are they gonna be lowdown? Will they ever be around? Or will they turn their backs on you?
How many times have you been told not to seek the approval of others? That you shouldn’t care what people think? That it only matters how you think and feel about yourself.
And how many times did they make the distinction between seeking approval and just seeking close, healthy relationships with other people?
With people who make you feel understood, supported, protected, important, and wanted. People who don’t chip away at your desire to feel good about yourself.
Obviously we can’t control every single interaction or relationship BUT we still have control over who we let into our lives. So here are four steps to finding your people!
1) Get clear on your needs. I need to feel comfortable being vulnerable. I need to feel supported. I need feedback that’s not mean-spirited. I need to be able to be silly and ridiculous without judgement. And I need partners in crime!
2) Review your current circle. I have people who help me calm down (without telling me to calm down). Who can help me think through ideas or situation. Who are supportive of everything I do, just like my parents. Who can call me out without making me feel bad about myself.
Who I can joke around with, have serious conversations with, and also have serious conversations about not so serious topics with LOL! People who love me like I need and want to be loved…not just how they choose to show love.
3) Figure out their impact. All my people hold me accountable for the things I do, say, and how I take care of myself. And they do it independently of each other. They encourage me and remind me of my own power and greatness when I’m down, nervous, or unsure. They never project their fears or insecurities on me.
4) Seek more of these people. Everyone isn’t right for you…and you’re not right for everyone. This doesn’t make either of you a bad person. And while you should seek the good from your current people in others, you should not create unattainable standards for every new person you meet. Be discerning without comparing.
Once I learned how to find my people in others, it became easier to decide who to get close to and who not to. It also became easy to figure out how to tell early on.
If you need a friendly, inviting, and nurturing reminder that you WILL find your people, try using light orange!
How do the people around you make you feel about yourself? Let me know in the comments.