Last July, I turned 30. It wasn’t until I was part way through 28 that I started to fully understand how ridiculous it is that so many of us think we need to “have it all together” by 30. That we have to be a hot shot in our careers, making more money than we know what to do with.

Or that we should know who we’re going to spend our lives with and have children with. That we should own property and have it be our main source of debt. That being 30 means something other than we should just be happy with who we are.

Just a few months before turning 30, I still had this feeling that I was doing life wrong. I was in a good place career wise. I didn’t focus on being married with kids (though I look forward to it) because I barely made real attempts to date (I’m kind of lazy about it).

And I had no intentions of buying a house at that point in my life*. But I noticed I kept having the same conversation with my friends. “I did what I thought I was supposed to do,” or a variation of it came up often. I learned a long time ago that doing what you’re “supposed” to do doesn’t mean much when you cannot control everything around you.

So why did I still feel this way? Why do so many of us feel this way? The answer is: it’s not because we are doing something wrong. It’s because we are viewing ourselves wrong. I focused on things out of my control or things that I couldn’t change after the fact. I don’t know about you but I don’t have a time machine nor superpowers.

And even if I did, who’s to say those powers would allow me to always have things go my way? (To be honest, I just want to be able to fly!) Instead of wondering what we are doing wrong, we should be wondering why we’re putting so much stress on ourselves. Why are we being so hard on ourselves? Why are we being mean to ourselves? Check out the 3 reasons you should stop being mean to yourself!

You Can Stop Comparing

Even those of us who take pride in being ourselves can fall into this trap. I have to catch myself when I see that someone I went to school with is now senior or executive level in our field. I have to remind myself that it took me longer to find my first job.

I have to remember that I needed more time to grow my craft. I have to remember that I’m a pretty amazing Art Director because of it. I have to keep in mind that I’ll get there one day and when I do, it’ll affect other aspects of my life! I have to stop comparing my progress to other people’s progress. And so should you.

Stop comparing yourself to other people. Stop comparing where you are in life, what you have (or don’t have), and why you’ve had experiences they haven’t. Because when you do, you will always find a reason for why you’re somehow doing something wrong despite all the positive things you’ve done. Stop comparing!

You Can Set Boundaries

In my mid-twenties, I made an effort to shift my circle. I didn’t go to certain friends about things that were bothering me because I often felt wrong for feeling how I felt. I didn’t like it. So as I shifted the circle, I gravitated towards people I could talk to about anything.

I haven’t felt like I couldn’t speak to a friend about something in a very long time. It is an amazing feeling to have people listen and genuinely support you when you need it. It is equally amazing to be able to do the same for them!

Set boundaries for who you allow into your space. Start taking note of people in your life who make you (or others) feel bad about yourself (or themselves). Protect yourself from these people. Start taking note of the people in your life who are kind, supportive, and genuinely care about you (and others). Work to attract more like them into your life.

Understandably, it can be hard to completely eliminate some people from your life but you can still set boundaries for them. You can have a talk about what they’ve said or done to you. You can limit what you share with them. You can limit the time you interact with them. You don’t have to let people treat you any kind of way because of who they are to you. Figure out your boundaries and set them firmly.

You Can Practice Acceptance

Last June, I came across an article about learning to enjoying where you are in life. It included a quote by Germany Kent, “Happiness is achieved when you stop waiting for your life to begin and start making the most of the moment you are in.”

And both the article and the quote resonated with me. I realized I wasn’t really enjoying my life. I am constantly coming up with new goals and sometimes I get so wrapped up in the goals that I end up stressing myself out because I haven’t reached them.

Some of them are connected so when a small part didn’t work, it felt like none of it would. I made a point to accept my life as it was and focus on the present rather than the future. I also made a point to accept that there are a lot of things that are out of my control.

I can only control the effort I put in, I can’t control every possible outcome. As 2015 ended, and 2016 began, there were quite a few times I could see how much I had grown. Most notably in my reaction to having to start over when relaunching this site [link to start over post]!

If I could give my younger self any advice, it would be to practice acceptance. Accept that some things are out of your control. Accept your life as it stands right now. Accept that your best is truly your best. Accept that you can only do what you can do because you really can’t do more than that. Accept that the things you have done so far are great. Accept that everyone else is probably still figuring it out too.

There’s the saying, “treat others how you want to be treated” and another “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Both sayings refer to other people but if you turned those inward they become, “treat yourself how you want to be treated” and “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

Notice how the second one doesn’t change at all? It’s a little easier to walk away from someone else but if you notice the hurtful person is you, take measures to discover why and put an end to it. Stop being mean to yourself!

What can you do today to insure you will stop being mean to yourself? Share in the comments below!

Give yourself the love you deserve with a Self Love Check-In! Every Sunday, you’ll get A Letter to U (from you) and downloadable color cards to use for your needs.

*I bought a house. LOL! Getting my finances in order is huge goal of mine to me and I realized moving could help with that. I started looking at houses in August and closed on a cute ranch in a small suburb of Detroit in October. I chose my house because it would lower my monthly expenses without costing me more in repairs later on. So far, I made the right decision. 🙂

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